I used to have a live journal. Still do. But it seems I can only revisit. I never post. Never have the urge. So in an attempt to get back into having an outlet... I figured a different venue may do the trick. Time for an intro and back story I guess....
Hello. I am Adam. Proud husband for 5 years. Incredibly proud parent for almost 3 years. I work as a 3rd shift manager for Kroger grocery. I live in West Chester, but aspire to move somewhere else in the country.... Somewhere not so populated. I am a failed musician. As harsh as it sounds it's true. A failed musician in this case is someone who put learning "real world" trades or schooling on the back burner to focus all efforts into being able to sustain one's own life through playing and making music. I was a drummer in a band for 6 years that toured this country a half dozen times, maybe more. It ended once I learned of the coming of my daughter and decided I needed to be seeking a real job. One with much more stability and promise. I absolutely hate it, but I think everyone hits a point where they realize it's time to "grow up", and knowing Genevieve was going to be here and I was going to have to provide for her.... I'd say it the most sobering moment of my life. Moving on.
When it comes to political beliefs I am as middle of the road as they come. Which I believe is needed right now, in this country, more than ever. I guess you can say I lean towards Republican, but there are some points in their values I can't even begin to agree with.
As for religious beliefs.... I think I can safely claim to be a christian. I've delved so little into religion and am still learning so much I can't say I'm anything else. I have a very estranged relationship with God, but I believe His Son died for my sins. And I am thankful for it. I still don't give myself to God as one should. Nor am I 100% certain as to how my beliefs work and how this world is. One of my biggest burdens, in addition to my apathy, is that I am INCREDIBLY cynical and critical..... I guess those two go hand in hand really. A part of it has to do with trying ever so hard to be as logical about anything and everything in my life as I can be. As cliche as it sounds, there is still that part of me that questions God when horrible things happen to people who seem really undeserving. But on the flip side when things just fall into place and work out for the better, I can't help but think it is a God that really does care for my well being. Perhaps this could be normal for most religious people now-a-days, but at the church I go to.... I don't see an ounce of such a fact.
The church I attend is the Vineyard Community Church of Cincinnati. I call it the perfect church. One of my Pastors who has a blog on this site has actually said in a service that it is not, but to me it is for the current times. Today, I see a lot more people self-labeled as atheists and agnostics than those who enjoy a life of belief and servitude. I used to be both. I used to be an atheist because science and my idols at the time, told me there wasn't one. I became agnostic because I grew up and learned that science doesn't know everything either. I have become a christian (NOT born again) because of my daughter. Having a child changes your view of the world more than you could ever imagine. Perhaps I can/will elaborate more later, but for right now I am keeping it at that. I still struggle with belief for reasons already stated and more. For instance, I stressed NOT born again because I grew up without religion. I honestly love and adore my parents for doing as such. I wouldn't like to know why they stopped being religious honestly. Both were raised baptist/catholic.... I think? And at some point they chose to stop going to church. Regardless, they have given me the chance to explore religion and a relationship with God on my own. Which, from my point of view, could possibly end up giving me a stronger relationship and belief structure than I could have ever received by being told from the beginning "This is how it is". So anyway, the reason why I consider VCC to be the perfect church.... It is the first church I have ever attended that feels like they are not forcing a single thing onto you. It is the first church I've attended where I have felt I don't have to accept everything the Bible has to offer right here and right now. It's almost as if The Vineyard lends itself to an idea that "Everyone who enters can just ease into what we know is how this universe works... And along the way learn to be a more forgiving and outward focused person". There hasn't been a time where Dave or Joe damned everyone for doing something that the Bible specifically tells you NOT to do. And there hasn't been a time where I felt like someone was going to hope I burn in Hell because I don't believe everything they believe. I can honestly say I have run into such scenarios, but anyway I can sum it up like this.... The Vineyard church knows not everyone is going to believe like they believe, but they really hope you do. Not because that's the way it is.... but because they know it will help you live better. That's why I think its the perfect church. And that's why I love them for it.
Lastly.... to explain the title of the blog and the URL... which also serves as the name of a music project I came up with forever ago. I consider myself to be apart of what I labeled Generation A. A standing for Apathy. I have noticed, along with the rise in those claiming atheism, a rise in the number of people that are in no way empathetic to anyone they don't know and in some cases people they are close to. People from third world countries, people who have to suffer from terrorism, regular people that we all come into contact with in one way or another.... they/we don't care about any of them. I can honestly say I really had no emotions on September 11th, 2001. I didn't feel sorry for anyone in Iraq or Afghanistan when America began attacking in hopes they would start weakening terrorists. And I didn't care when natural disasters hit any place in the world... New Orleans included. There have been many examples of events in my life where I should have felt something, and I didn't care in the slightest. I can't begin to explain why.... it's just the way I am. As horrid as it sounds it's the truth. The reason why I state this, and almost the entire reason for this blog, is to end that trait about me. I don't want to be cold anymore.... because who knows how much colder I can get?
I don't want it to get to a point where I suddenly realize I don't care for anything or anyone and it scare me to death.
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